getting it sorted..

So turning forty was something I was pretty excited about.  It felt right, I didn't feel at all like I was getting old, I was not worrying about what I've done with my life and all the things I must do.  I was content and feeling great and like I was right where I was meant to be.

Two years on, a fourth baby and a business later, and I tell you, I am feeling depleted.   I do feel old. Suddenly I'm noticing the wrinkles, the greys are persistent and ever increasing and I'm constantly so, so very tired.  I have achey joints in my fingers and toes, hot flushes, irregular periods, moodiness like a crazy person, soaring emotions. I can't keep up, I'm fairly certain my poor family can't either.

I'm still breastfeeding Olive, and I don't want to stop until she shows less interest, which doesn't look likely any time soon.  Besides, I do love it.  It's forced time to sit and be still and enjoy her being a baby a little while longer, but I think its taking its toll on my body, adding to the exhaustion and draining me further.

While life got crazy busy, we've been managing and getting through it by cutting a few corners here and there, getting a bit lazy, not being too caught up on things that aren't must do's, I like to call that 'survival'.  But I can see now that very gradually, eliminating to make things easier in the short term, is now taking its toll on the long term.

Late autumn has been beautifully warm with an abundance of sunshiny days, just what I've needed before the brutality of cold months ahead.  So, as we head into winter there are a few things I need to do in order to replenish myself and try to get back on top of things.  Otherwise, I'm quite sure, I will not make it through the next three months easily.

It's time to get it sorted!  I need to get back to feeling great and back to feeling like I am right where I'm meant to be.

I need to clear our wardrobes of anything we no longer wear or have use for.

I need to rake up the fallen leaves, brush away cobwebs and cut back the hedges in the garden.

I need to get our deck 'winter ready' with a tidy up, a fire drum, fairy lights (of course) and a stack of cushions to invite us outdoors regularly, regardless of the cold.

I need to make an appointment for a quick once-over doctor check up.

I need to commit to a weekly yoga session.

I need to have my hair cut, and maybe even lash out on a professional colour instead of trying to fight this grey battle on my own, and while I'm at it have my legs waxed.

I need to make a menu plan, go back to grocery shopping only once a week rather than random visits every few days.

I need to make time for coffee dates.

So, as we say goodbye to May and Autumn (and my #everydayinmay crochet project which is coming up nicely, more on that soon) I will welcome June with all of these new challenges and I will get it sorted.

   

21/52..

a portrait of my children once a week, every week in 2014..

eddie: my baby boy, not such a baby..raft building

olive: her first time crunching autumn leaves..


just my two smallest this week, joining jodi..

taking stock..

I'm re-visiting Pip's trusty list today, just because...

Making: a blanket for Olive's bed and joining in with Kate's every day in may project, almost there..

Cooking: pumpkin soup, actually its a 'very full of veggie' soup but we just call it pumpkin..

Drinking: hot water throughout the day (after my morning coffee), I just always have..

Reading: new blogs and trying to visit regular favourites more often..

Wanting: way too many things! I stopped buying magazines a few years ago because I found myself wanting so much, I think now it's happing again but with social media and so many beautiful temptations, I'm unsubscribing to emails everyday..

Looking: for a blanket or cushions to stitch all of the badges coming home from cubs to.. 

Playing: tea parties and dolls with my baby girl..

Wasting: too much time procrastinating and not just getting it done!

Sewing: cub scout badges onto my boys shirts, in the wrong place and re-doing urgh..

Wishing: my mum and dad lived closer, I wish they could see the incidental everyday stuff as these kids grow   

Enjoying: this glorious sunshiny autumn we are having lately, I don't want it to end..

Waiting: for work to slow down, its meant to be getting quieter at this time of year but its not, which is wonderful but a little break would be nice too.. 

Liking: toasted banana bread for morning tea.. 

Wondering: how much longer I'll breastfeed Olive, she's happy and I'm happy but there are things coming up later in the year and I'm not sure how we're going manage them if I'm still nursing..

Loving: where we live, I'll never take it's beauty for granted, not ever!    

Hoping: for uninterrupted nights of blissful rested sleep..

Marvelling: at this beautiful baby girl every single day, she is quite something..

Needing: to stretch.. 

Smelling: open fires and sea air, it really is the best time of year

Wearing: jeans, desert boots and linen scarves..staples

Following: some inspiring, heart warming and like minded instagram feeds, I'm noticing that so many people in our life struggle with simplicity and I'm feeling a distance grow between us because of it..well there you go, that just came from somewhere and suddenly I have some clarity on a nagging that's been going on inside me, now that I've put my finger on it I can start to make it better..

Noticing: how my baby boy is not such a baby anymore, and how his mouth is kind of pursed when he speaks, I think its his new bigger teeth..

Knowing: my husband needs to take some regular time just for him, he used to be good at this but I'm going to have to give him a little push..

Thinking: about buying a caravan or camper to make little overnighters, or weekends away happen..

Feeling: a bit worn out and sore from not stretching..

Bookmarking: some simple dress patterns to pretty up our winter, hopefully, my sewing skills are not the best..  

Opening: happy mail from uncles to nephews.. 

Giggling: at olive as she wanders about with her eyebrows raised and her hands behind her back..

Feeling: frustrated and anxious about the new budget, seriously, do they know any real life people?!

So there you have it, some unexpected thoughts and revelations not even I was expecting.

20/52..

a portrait of my children once a week, every week in 2014...

olive: our favourite piece of beach, and you with that camera..every. single. day. of this week! 

harvey, james & eddie: my handsome boys, my helpers, my teachers, my loves..look at you all getting so grown up..you are awesome, my babies!

joining jodi's 52 project..

accepting still..

This space, without question, is my favourite room in our home, especially in autumn.  The warm sun streams through the windows, inviting me to sit and encouraging me to be still.  The balcony, although in need of a little attention, is quiet and private, and I can hear the kids playing below in the yard.

Yesterday was mother's day.  Mine started at 2:30am with a sick little boy having fevers and nightmares, another being woken by the commotion and spilling an entire bottle of water in his bed, moving him into the spare room, stripping bed covers, soothing and dosing the other with panadol and just as I get back into bed myself the baby wakes.  Motherhood.  It's exhausting and demanding, challenging our patience and pushing us to our limits, all the while filling our hearts to overflow.     

Somehow over time, I have conjured up great expectations of this day.  I suppose its hard not to with so much attention drawn to it, like everything, you get caught up in the commercialism and swept away by ideals. Truthfully, if it was just another sunday and not a nominated day of celebration, I think I might have considered it close to perfect, with my mothers day stall spoils, a visit to the market in the morning and a peaceful day at home after a rough night. But for some reason, while sitting up there in that gorgeous sunshine, I spent the entire day anticipating. Needing more, expecting more, feeling I hadn't done enough and should have made an effort to have been here or there or anywhere!

It wasn't until later when I realised how precious that time was.  Time to sit and be still, what a gift. Everyone was happily doing their thing, absorbed in play, no one coming up and asking for anything, nothing at all. An easier day I could not have asked for.

In fact all that was really missing was sharing a cup of tea and a chat with my own mum, but it will be just a few more days before I can do that, and she'll be here, and I can't wait.

Life is busy, and a mother's work never ends.  Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and our family is time to be still.

19/52..

a portrait of my children once a week every week in 2014..

olive: you accessorise with everything, draping my tape measure around your neck and then kissing me goodbye..

eddie: you have a touch of croup, we're nursing your sore throat with warm lemon and honey..

james: your first hike with cubs, I think you chatted non stop the entire way, loading your pockets with treasures as you went..

joining jodi for the 52 project...

family time..

baby's hunter vest by gorgeous wendy at small forest shop

husband photo's edited by me

The weather forecasts for Saturday were rain, rain and more rain, but when I woke the sun was shining so brightly through our bedroom windows it looked like a perfectly sunny autumn day.  I didn't hesitate, we got ourselves organised, threw some gear in the car and set off for a drive along the coast.  

By the time we picked up our takeaway coffee, dark clouds had moved in and the promised rain began to sprinkle. It didn't matter, taking a scenic drive along our most beautiful coastline, all of us together, was a pretty great way to spend a day regardless of the weather.  Family time, just us, no devices, nothing but the radio, maybe a book, some travel crochet and conversation.

Silly dad jokes, eye rolls and belly laughs from the back seat.  Quiet time to sit and think, look out the window and take in the beauty and drama of wild seas.  I crave this time together, I long for days just like it.  Of course family time wouldn't be complete without someone being in the sulks almost the entire day (note the underdressed one, refusing to put on a coat but grizzling relentlessly about how cold he was), or a screaming baby protesting because all she wants to do is be right there in the water.  But a stop off for fish and chips and all is well and calm again.

The rain set in and the winds were crazy, so there was a lot of time just driving.  We were happy to get home to warm showers, homemade pizza for dinner and movie night.

Next time we plan to stop somewhere overnight and make a weekend of it, I'm looking forward to that.

18/52..

a portrait of my children once a week, every week in 2014..

olive: we found a pair of gumboots in the opshop tiny enough for your little foot (though the leg chub is making them rather snug), outside is your favourite place to be, so we can't let a little bit of wet stop you from having fun..

james and eddie: hiking boots, check..let the adventures begin! we've had to get our 'camp on', sleeping bags, sleep mats, thermals and hiking boots.. preparing ourselves for some real life cub scouts fun..

it's all about the boots this week, gearing up for the colder, wetter months ahead and all of the fun to be had outdoors.

joining in with jodi at practicing simplicity for the 52 project..

   

every day in may..

Yesterday, I started a winter blanket for Olive's bed.  It's my project for May, I'll do a little bit every day this month, and just maybe I'll have it finished before winter truly sets in.

I really shouldn't be making a start on a new blanket when this one is so far from finished, but I'm stuck on the next colour way there, and besides, that ones cotton so warmth really must take priority at this time of year.

I spotted this yarn on sale and immediately saw it as a simple shell stitch rug.  One just the right size for her cot, and just the right size to drag downstairs and snuggle on the couch with as she grows.  I'm sure I could have chosen something prettier, but I'm making the most of life before the pink obsession which everyone assures me will happen.

So I was thinking I'd join Kate in her crochet meditation, and maybe even take time out to attend some regular yoga classes.  I know it will do me good, I can actually feel my body craving some nurturing.  This doesn't happen to me often, I just don't make time for classes or walks or even good sensible nutrition when a quick packaged snack is within reach.  But right now my body is yearning a quiet mind, to stretch and to be fuelled with delicious fresh food.  Time to strike while the irons hot!