The last few days I've been agitated and impatient. Its our busiest time of year from now until Christmas, so I'm madly processing shoot after shoot, between the organising of children, managing their commitments and running about here and there doing what mumma's do.
But it's not all the busyness thats making me feel like this, it's not even the sleep deprivation from our teething babe. I've been bothered and not really knowing why...and then I realised. It's the weekend of the very first Craft Sessions
and I can't be there. I'm grumpy, feeling sorry for myself to be missing out and I'm all woe is me.
When I received an email from Felicia inviting me to take part my heart skipped a beat. First with excitement, then disbelief and then disappointment, knowing I'd have to decline. To be involved in such an amazing event, surrounded by so many incredibly inspiring and talented people would have been awesome! My heart races just thinking about it. I'm so excited to see the pictures as they appear on Instagram and can't wait to hear all the details of each session.
I've been thinking about that email, and if I'm honest, for a brief moment upon receiving it, I thought 'thank goodness I can't go..business, baby, life, it's all too hard..and everyone would realise that I'm really not very good at my craft, that I'm a bit of a hack and make things up as I go...'
Yes, I thought this. My husband was super supportive of me going and not at all questioning why I shouldn't. It struck me how critical I was of myself. Still! At 41 years old!
What I wonder, is did I hide behind excuses? Would the family and the business have managed a couple of days without me? Well, the reality is, it IS a crazy busy time and would not have been practical for me to go at all just now. If it weren't for that though, based on my clear and obvious insecurities, would I have used other excuses?
I try to teach my boys self confidence, assurance, assertiveness, and hope they will have great faith in their abilities and their dreams. I always tell them to have a go, you won't always get it right, you won't always be great, but you'll never know if you don't give it a go.
There was a significant moment in my childhood that had an enormous impact on me. One that I remember always, and tell my children about when they feel insecure or doubt their ability. It was a time when I used excuses because of fear and said 'no' to something wonderful. Fear of what, I'm not sure. If I could go back to that moment I would say 'yes', and embrace it and be proud and probably even great!
This weekend we watched our big boy take to the stage and play drums to a room full of people and he WAS great! It was a big deal for him to be involved in such an event, and so brave to play totally solo, no backing music, just him.
I feel inspired by him. I feel like celebrating the creative side I never really believed in, and I feel good about how I do what I do, in both my craft and my work.
And so it seems, it may be them teaching me..
Do you hide behind excuses?
Or are you brave and self assured and walk the talk?