Sunday, October 27, 2013

learning self belief..

The last few days I've been agitated and impatient.  Its our busiest time of year from now until Christmas, so I'm madly processing shoot after shoot, between the organising of children, managing their commitments and running about here and there doing what mumma's do.

But it's not all the busyness thats making me feel like this, it's not even the sleep deprivation from our teething babe.  I've been bothered and not really knowing why...and then I realised.  It's the weekend of the very first Craft Sessions and I can't be there.  I'm grumpy, feeling sorry for myself to be missing out and I'm all woe is me.

When I received an email from Felicia inviting me to take part my heart skipped a beat.  First with excitement, then disbelief and then disappointment, knowing I'd have to decline.  To be involved in such an amazing event, surrounded by so many incredibly inspiring and talented people would have been awesome!  My heart races just thinking about it.  I'm so excited to see the pictures as they appear on Instagram and can't wait to hear all the details of each session.

I've been thinking about that email, and if I'm honest, for a brief moment upon receiving it, I thought 'thank goodness I can't, baby, life, it's all too hard..and everyone would realise that I'm really not very good at my craft, that I'm a bit of a hack and make things up as I go...'

Yes, I thought this.  My husband was super supportive of me going and not at all questioning why I shouldn't.  It struck me how critical I was of myself.  Still! At 41 years old!

What I wonder, is did I hide behind excuses?  Would the family and the business have managed a couple of days without me?  Well, the reality is, it IS a crazy busy time and would not have been practical for me to go at all just now.  If it weren't for that though, based on my clear and obvious insecurities, would I have used other excuses?

I try to teach my boys self confidence, assurance, assertiveness, and hope they will have great faith in their abilities and their dreams.  I always tell them to have a go, you won't always get it right, you won't always be great, but you'll never know if you don't give it a go.

There was a significant moment in my childhood that had an enormous impact on me.  One that I remember always, and tell my children about when they feel insecure or doubt their ability.  It was a time when I used excuses because of fear and said 'no' to something wonderful.  Fear of what, I'm not sure.  If I could go back to that moment I would say 'yes', and embrace it and be proud and probably even great!

This weekend we watched our big boy take to the stage and play drums to a room full of people and he WAS great! It was a big deal for him to be involved in such an event, and so brave to play totally solo, no backing music, just him.

I feel inspired by him.  I feel like celebrating the creative side I never really believed in, and I feel good about how I do what I do, in both my craft and my work.

And so it seems, it may be them teaching me..

Do you hide behind excuses?

Or are you brave and self assured and walk the talk?


  1. Gorgeous post... I totally understand why you couldn't go - I've had to say no to many a 'craft-y' excursion where I've been invited to teach due to family, life, school(home-schooling) and farm(work) commitments... It really sucks sometimes!

    How awesome that your boy got up and did a solo - that is amazing! What an inspirational little soul he must be.

    Take Care
    Jodie :)

  2. Your post touched me quite a bit Mel, because I see most of what you describe within myself also. and all that self criticism - I'm 57!! Somewhat comforting to know that even you, who seems (to me) so confident and self contained and together, can be just like me! and of course I don't mean that in a critical way, I'm sure you know. lol. Yes, I think I do hide behind excuses a LOT of the time. Fear of failure? Perhaps..... I know I've missed quite a few fab moments because of it. ♥

  3. Oh, I can totally relate to this post! I have been terrified of performing my whole life, and am so proud that I have managed to not pass that on to my boys, who are 16 and 13 and both performed in school plays with gusto in Primary School, and with concert bands through their music regularly. (So I know how proud a moment it is watching your child perform. Yay for your son!!) Although they don't seek out the spotlight, they don't hide from their opportunities either. I think they have a lot to teach their mother really. Thanks for sharing this!

  4. yes, can relate to everything. but you are gifted. you must believe!

  5. Snap!! EXACTLY THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME. Thank you for expressing my feelings in your gorgeous way. Maybe we'll both be brave and go next year. xx

  6. i do. i understand both sides, the wanting to enrich and invest into yourself and then the questioning. it's all mixed in with your responsibilities of looking after children and lack of time and focus you have for all the rest. no doubt about it everything outside the home is much harder to accomplish once your a mother.

  7. I think everyone does exactly the same thing at one time or another. I know I have done it a lot over the years. Self doubt is a terrible thing. There have been many changes in my life in the last year and I am learning that you just have to take a big breathe and jump in with both feet (maybe fingers crossed) and see what happens.I have been telling my daughter for years when she has been faced with a new challenge that 'the thinking is worse than the doing' and now she is telling me the same thing. It's true. It's taken me all of my 53 years to stop making excuses and just have a go and it is amazing where it has taken me. Just take a big breathe and jump next time.


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