knots..

sometimes my tummy and my chest are so caught up in knots with all that is going on. This family we are raising sometimes feels like a tornado spinning around me. The chaos whirling further and further beyond my grasp.  I have to stop and remind myself to breathe, to be positive and to keep things in perspective.  

There is the parenting of a pre teen.  This has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world, and then we still have the actual teen years ahead of us.  They say when your babies are just babies, that it only gets harder, and its true, it does.  Every single day is a challenge.  It can be mental and emotional torture at times.  I'm forever analysing my parenting ability, am I too hard, too soft, are my values all wrong, should I just let up a little, but then if I do, what kind of people will we be raising?  Endless days of bickering, the nastiness, the condescending tone, the intolerance of just about anyone or anything. As parents, we're forever the bad guy, both of us. The day ends and I wonder if we'll all just wake up and it'll be like a fog has lifted, and suddenly he'll be that beautiful, thoughtful, considerate boy he once was.  Or have we completely lost control and is it just going to get worse..

There is the six year old of whose tantrums and temper I have made mention of in many a blog post over the last 4 years.  Shouldn't they be over by now?  We've never given into him when he's tantrumed, not ever.  There has always been consequences for him, but he still does it.  His temper flys out of control just so suddenly and there is often no cooling it down until it's run it's course.  Then he emerges, sorry, cuddly and back to his sweet adoring loving self.  It's all over much more quickly now, but you still never know when it's going to happen and there's a constant tightness in my chest, that walking on egg shells feeling because its so unpredictable.

There is the happy go lucky grade 3 boy whose carefree world is slowly becoming bogged down with commitments and expectations.  Grade 3 is such a big change.  Middle school equals higher standards, harder work, more homework, and little time for that happy go lucky attitude.  He doesn't like it much.  His weekends can't come around soon enough.

There is the new baby.  Thats the easy bit.  She's amazing, content, placid and she still sleeps a lot!  She just fits in.  I tend to her amidst all the crazy and she's happy. 

There is running a business, which my husband pretty much does single handed at this point.  I'm just his faithful assistant.  I step in and do my part as required, and then it's back to being mother, housekeeper, homemaker. There just isn't the brain power to be anymore than that right now.

We have an exciting, and very happy celebration coming up and we can't wait.  A mini holiday to somewhere warm and gorgeous to hang out with my brothers and their girls, and we're counting the sleeps.  I'm hoping that having my boys spend some time with their uncles will help, I'm hoping my man and I might sneak out on a date and I'm hoping it's just the trick to loosen all these knots, if only for a little while..