grateful..to wander and see the signs

this week I wandered and followed the signs, picking up some treasures along the way..

I wandered while running errands, missed my turn off & discovered beautiful sights.. 

I wandered out with these guys and had delicious coffee and banana bread with poached autumn fruit.. 

I wandered out in the rain and loved rugging up in woollies & bright yellow gumboots..

I wandered outside to catch up with this beautiful guy, sporting my wears and contemplating..

and amidst all this wandering I made time to read in bed at night...

and crochet like a woman possessed...

trying new things, making mistakes and going with the flow...

I've spent this week purposefully wandering, being acutely aware of signs unseen and hoping to recognise the changes I was so certain were on their way.  

What I discovered hit me like a bolt of lightening, and what I discovered was that those changes were happening already. That this feeling of 'changes in the air' was already being lived...by me, right now!

I have been living the moment where all my babies are growing up and are all at school, and it has been such an enormous change.  And so, so emotional.  

My purpose at home was no longer necessary.  It's been a long time, and as I've always said, I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to be a stay at home Mum. It was what we wanted and just the way we planned.  

Now suddenly its over.  I'm scared and excited.  I'm missing my babies and I'm loving the freedom to move forward all at once.  I imagine it might feel something like this when they all grow up and move out too!

It's taken a looong while to come to terms with, but this week I'm grateful to have had time to wander, time to recognise my life changing from the beautiful, treasured world of a stay at home mumma, and onto the next phase.  Exactly what that is, for now, I'm still uncertain...

See what's making other people grateful this week here

making..

making gifts, loving soft autumn shades..

and trying new things..

I had a special request for a beret.  I just might be the worst pattern follower ever, my mind has ideas of its own so I just go with it, but I'm really happy with this.  Although, the wool is terribly fluffy so I'll give it another go using better quality yarn.

visit creative spaces here...

what lies ahead...

I'm not sure its a good idea to blog when you're all emotional & overcome, yet that's usually when I feel the need to.  It's a bit like facebooking when you've had a few too many wines, you just shouldn't do it. But here I am, regardless.

My baby went back to school today after a couple of days off sick.  I went into his classroom to help the kids with their spelling lists, I love it and I love how they love it too.

I dashed home after that, ran around catching up on all the things that have been left by the wayside with my sick little guy around.  I dashed off to the shops to get things for dinner.  I dashed around here and there and then suddenly I stopped.  I looked out at the sea and this nagging feeling that has been hovering over me for so long, suddenly felt so overwhelming, consuming me completely.

I don't know what it is.  A sense of change is looming, and the feeling becomes stronger and stronger all the time. It feels positive and good, but at the same time like knots in my chest.

What is it? When will it happen? How will I know?

I took in our tatts ticket to be checked, just in case we were suddenly millionaires, but no, not that.  I polished off a whole packet of white chocolate raspberries which might indicate it's just the time of the month for all those wayward emotions, but no, it's more constant than that.  

It's unsettling, it makes my hands sweat a little, makes it hard to breathe, excitement and nerves make me cry a little.

Time will tell..    

slouching about..

my middle guy, big accessory wearer of all kinds..

asked me to make him a slouchy beanie, like the one I made for his uncle (idol, same thing).. 

and although he doesn't look too thrilled here in the pictures, because I dragged him away from morning tele to take the photos, he really loves it!! 

this is the one made for his uncle/idol that I have since unraveled, I think it was a bit girly.

I've not managed to achieve much more this week, the little guys been home for a couple of days under the weather.  He's lovely company though, I do miss him when he's at school.

join in our creative spaces at its new home here..

black & white...

joining in with 'Snap it' today at Faith Hope & a whole lotta love...

autumn baking..

a box of these were calling out to me, and my head was whirling with delicious possibilities..

crumble. puree, poached?

in the end baked was the go, and we do not think about our thighs when baking this dish.. 

I can not tell you how absolutely divine that buttery, creamy syrup tastes. 

 And the smell filling our house is heavenly!

This is a simple one form Stefanie..

butter up a baking dish

peel, halve and core 4 pears (or more, whatever)

lie them hollow side up in the dish & sprinkle a tablespoon of caster sugar over each half

dot some butter over each

slice a vanilla bean, break it up & pop it in

tip in 2 tablespoons of water

cover with foil & bake at 160 degrees for 1 1/2 hrs

take them out, dollop a bit of thick cream onto each of the hollows 

bake at 200 degrees uncovered for 15mins

VOILA!! 

heartwarming desert done.. 

and one for me..

I've been busily making things for lovely people,
and secretly wanting to keep every one of them just for me!

So I decided I might treat myself and 

I am SO.IN.LOVE with this!!

It's the most beautiful yarn, I think my favourite ever.  A beanie and gloves could be next.

Overkill? Maybe, but I don't think I care!!  

You can all expect to be seeing  me wearing this everywhere, all the time!  

 more creative inspiration here...

days like these..

it started early, lying in bed I could hear the huffing & puffing from the little guy.  Something wasn't going right for him and it was only 6.30am!  But it was freezing, so I snuggled further down under flannel sheets & let the sounds of pouring rain drown out the agitated huffy, puffy noise.. 

All of a sudden it was 7 o'clock.  In comes the middle guy fully dressed and ready for school.  "I've been making some alterations to my Lego model, I think its definitely ready to enter into the competition now, do you have your camera..?"  Oh God! I bury myself further under the covers now as I realise the entries were due 2 days ago!! So, so bad. Bad, bad mother!

About to rise and face it all, but clinging to that flannel just a moment longer, in comes the big boy.  Mildly hysterical, trying very hard to hold it together and speak in a reasonable manner, but can't, blurts out that its raining, he doesn't have a fleecy jacket "just that other jacket that I hate wearing, and am I supposed to wear tracksuit pants to this thing, cause I don't have any school ones, and anyway I'm not doing it!!"...and good morning first born.

In comes the little guy, all teary and red faced.  Up I get, time to go in one crises at a time.  He says he doesn't want to go to school anymore, he hates it there. I kneel down to him, hug him tight and say "what do you mean you don't want to go anymore?? You mean that place you get to go everyday, learn loads of new things, make fairy bread, play with lizards, win Star of the Week??!!" He smiles, hugs me back and off he goes to get ready for school.  Done. One down two to go..

Time to face up to the middle guy, who's already downstairs making his breaky, happy as Larry,  thinking models finished a trip to Lego Land is on the horizon, life's good!  I can't burst his bubble, and by the sound of the ranting coming from the big boy, I have more pressing matters to address..

It's the inter-school cross country today and he's flipping out, not making any sense.  He did so well to earn a place and now suddenly he's out.  Not going!  I try to be gentle, but I know if I pamper too much he will assume I'm fine with it and he won't go.  So I push, just a bit.  Remind him of how thrilled he was when he placed.  How hard it was to do that and how proud he should feel.  How wonderful it is to be representing your school..."Fine!!" he says "so you just want me to go and make a fool of myself then...!" 

So, I'm talking this through, packing lunches, listening to the little guy read in the background, washing dishes, making breakfasts for the ones who don't do it themselves, tending to the washing machine, thumping out of balance, and I crack.  "Are you planning to run the course with your pants down or on your head?! That would be making a fool of yourself! No, you're not.  You're in this because you worked hard & deserve to be there.  It doesn't matter if you don't win!! Just go and do it and have fun!!"  Yes, can you hear the encouragement in my words there.  I was trying, but it didn't come out well.

Fortunately, in comes Hubby.  Oh thank God you're here!! Quiet words are spoken between father and son, and suddenly he's back in.  The cross country will go ahead!

Days like these make me feel very lucky I'm not doing this on my own.  He's the voice of reason around here, weaving his magic on these boys.

The big boy comes to hug me as he heads out the door, "You're not going to come and cheer are you?"  he asks gently.  "No, I won't.  I won't be there.  Is that ok with you..?" is my broken-hearted reply.  It was my only plan today, but seeing the relief on his face assures me its right not to go.

I still have to tell the middle guy I let him down.  Urghh,  I feel sick about it, look at him up there, wishing upon a dandelion to win..