march portraits..

13/52..

there has never been a greater build up or more excitement shown for this time of year by any of our children like there has been by this girl..beside herself excited! 

12/52..

with three big brothers, theres always someone willing to give her a piggy-back ride when those little legs are tired out

11/52..

she came thudding loudly up the hallway, I said "look at you galloping like a horse" and she replies "no mumma I'm flying like a fairy, see my wings!"

10/52..

outside baths in the drinks cooler..

A month of adjusting to the change of seasons, and carefully re-introducing layers.  She is not a fan of long pants or any kind of jacket.  It's 'dancer' skirts everyday, so the most I've managed is a singlet and the occasional pair of socks, mostly socks with sandals, but socks nonetheless! 

Our three year old has ramped up her attitude and fever pitch screeching this month.  Throw in relentless whinging and serious determination, and we are all a little worn out.  Luckily, amongst it all, there's there irresistible sweetness, that squeaky little voice, the fairy wings and story telling, all the discoveries and learning and growth.  Watching the little girl emerge.

She's exhausting and exasperating, but she's just so darn adorable.

Join in with Jodi at Practicing Simplicity for the 52 project here..

the way they wear their socks..

Today the love is overwhelming, and I have to write it down.

She sleeps beside me and I hear her kitten-like purr.  She reaches for me in her sleep, and my hand without consciousness meets hers.  Our love is so deep and so indescribable.  I feel her in every cell of my being.  

Just as I did with her brothers, but in case I haven't written it here before, I want to document this for their future.  For all of us, for them to read one day and for them to know that I felt it.  I felt what they feel for their babies.  I felt it in them.

It's true,when you grow and birth a child, your heart forever lives outside of your body.

She looks a certain way and she captures my breath.  I watch her, study her in awe, all in just a moment, and my heart completely overflows.  I'm besotted with her, still.  Her beauty, her perfectness, the way her hair tangles in the early morning, her sweet voice, her mind, the way she plays or sings along to a TV show or tells a story.

She feels closeness and connection when she buries her face into the nook of my neck.  Is it the sound of my heartbeat, the feel of my breathe, the touch of my skin?  I'm not sure.  But when she nuzzles in there, she purrs and sighs.  It's like home to her.  She's done this since the minute she was born and placed on my chest all sticky and warm, she went straight to that spot and buried in.

This love, this closeness is like nothing else.  

For all the drama and tantrums and plain shit hard days, this gentle togetherness blows all of it away! Every morning I feel this little being, she is a part of me.  She wakes and kisses my face with those soft sweet lips.  She sighs a contented sigh and says "I love you so much my mumma".  She shrinks into me, kneads my skin with her chubby fingers, sometimes an irresistible pinch, breathing deeply and with such comfort of being.

You know, if she hits the wrong spot or pinches too sharp I growl at her in my sleep haze, and she moves almost expectantly.  But she can't help it, she has to do it.  If she could crawl right back inside of me she would.  It's a closeness that can't be described, that mother child bond.

I wonder when it is that this feeling of being a part of you subsides.  I wonder when it is that they begin to feel secure and independent of you.  I don't remember for sure.

What I know is that those are connections and feelings I had with all four of my babies until they grew to have this Independence.  I know too, that it's because of such bonds that they are able to fall into my arms in times of happiness or despair.  It's the reason they creep up and hug me at random, tell me they love how I cook a meal, or thank me for some seemingly insignificant thing. It's also the reason they can completely loose their temper over incidents totally separate from us, say nasty things, be hurtful and cruel and just plain horrid! It's because they can.  Because I am their safe place.

I want to capture their every idea, the sound of their voices, the way they wear their socks or dressing gown or comb their hair.  I want to remember the way they play and love and laugh, or spend forever too long in the bathroom.  I'm certain the way they fight will be embedded into our minds for our lifetime, but these moments and feelings are so enormous and so very precious.

Like they say, "the days are long but the years are short".

Oh Lordy! I surrender to all the moments.  All the insignificant conversations, comments, quirky ways, hugs, fights and endless loves.  I wholeheartedly embrace this role as mother.  The good, the bad and the terrifying!

All I ever wanted was to be this, what I am right now.  Their Mum, and I am blessed.  I just hope and pray I can deliver, but I have a pretty fabulous wingman in my beautiful husband.  Actually, I might be the wingman.  Either way, we have it made with all this love.

a bear hat..

Why is it that until recently, only one out of four of my children will wear my wares?  The middle guy has always been a fan, the biggest never and the little guy only took a shine to my beanie's last winter.  You can imagine how excited I was when that happened!

So when this little girl saw the gorgeous bear hat made by Charissa at Joyful Four, she was busting for me to get started on one for her too.  I, naturally, was beside myself thrilled!

Then I made it.  She 'oohed' and 'aahed' as I kept measuring against her head for size.  I thought, this might be the one. The one she wants to wear all winter long, the one she asks for me to make in every colour!

Of course, that was delusional.  As soon as I finished, she refused to try it on, and I've only just managed to get it on her head now with the lure of bandaids!

Ce la vie!

standing back..

One day last week I had one of those parenting moments that keeps playing on through your mind. The fact that I keep thinking about it makes me question my judgement.  You know, when you wonder why you did what you did.

Is it because she is my fourth child and I've seen it all before?

Is it because I know her and what she can handle?

Is it because sometimes they need to be on the receiving end?

Or worst of all, Is it that I didn't want the other first-time mum to feel bad..at my own daughter's expense?

Last week, I watched on as my daughter was being hassled by your typical two year old.  She waited patiently for her turn on the shopping centre game.  Patiently! A huge achievement in itself, and I was proud.  Then, when the little boy stepped out she took her seat.  He decided she was not to touch anything, as two year olds do.  He pushed her hands away from buttons, babbled angrily and shouted "NO!"

She would acknowledge his protests with a coy tilt of her head and then continue on. He then grabbed hold of her hair. He grabbed it hard in his chubby little fist.  She held her head tight with both hands, her face wincing as he pulled.  I went to run and then stopped as the boy's mother bolted.

She scooped him up and told him "No!"  She pulled a fist full of Olive's hair from her toddler's hand and dropped it to the floor.  She was mortified and clearly embarrassed.  Olive watched on as the little boy cried.  She rubbed her head and continued playing.  She just kept playing, not a tear and not a word of complaint.

The mother dashed across to me apologising over and over, and I looked at Olive, she was happy.  I told the mother it was ok, "this is what babies do" and "don't worry, she's fine".  The mother said "I'm so sorry, that's her hair on the ground". I said "you know, its probably the knot I couldn't get out this morning. It's ok, she's fine".

Soon after, Olive and I sat down with our coffee and babycino.  I said to her "my darling are you ok?" She happily sipped her froth and replied "yes, he just wanted his turn."  I couldn't help but laugh at her diplomacy and nonchalance.

I question if my response, or lack there of, was inappropriate or inadequate.  I'm still not sure.  Truly at the time I just wanted to pick her up and hug her tight, but when she wasn't seeking my help I felt compelled to stand back.  I'm pleased she could handle it without my interference.  She did this well I think, and she was still happy to step over the clump of hair to follow the little boy onto the rides afterwards.

portraits..february

9/52..

roadtrip..poolside

8/52..

messy hair (she really!) don't care

7/52..

a girl and her dolly

6/52..

those dimpled hands

Lots of summer lovin' in this months portraits.

We've been trying to make the most of beautiful summer days, squeezing beach visits into our days even if they're brief. Eating dinner outdoors and playing in the yard until bedtime.  Messy hair, sticky faces and lots and lots of homemade icypoles.

We finished up this month with a very special road trip all the way to Swan Hill to celebrate my darling nephew's first birthday and Christening.  The entire weekend was filled to the brim with warm summer sunshine, beautiful family, hot late nights and so much swimming!  

All in all, February has been a month of birthdays and celebration. Of summer fun amidst business mayhem and unrest.  It was a month of being purposeful and making time to breathe, to craft and to not be too rigid with routine.

I'm a little sad to see our summer come to an end, but then Autumn is one of my most favourite seasons of all.

You can see more lovely portraits over at Practicing Simplicity.