apron strings...

Our big boy went on camp this week.  I felt so weird & anxious about it this time.  It's not like he hasn't been away before, but somehow this time is different.  He's changing, growing up, and I'm not ready for him to do that yet.  Although I do think a few days away from us all will do him good.  No little brothers getting in his way, Mum not on his back about this or that, late nights & fun with his friends.  It's good medicine for all of us to do that occasionally! 

He's craving his own space and independence.  He's always been a sensible kid, so it's not that I don't trust him to be responsible, it's everything else out there that I have no control over that frightens me, I think.  I know it's all part of growing up, all those experiences, good & bad, help to shape who we are, but I want to wrap him up in a safe & secure little cocoon, I'm not ready for him to grow up yet, not ready to loosen the apron strings even just a little.  He is only 9 years old, he's still a little boy & he'll always be my baby.  I tell all my boys this, they'll always be my babies even when they are big grown men with babies of their own, and they laugh at this, picturing their poor old mumma fussing about them.

I love that he hugs me often, quietly & unexpectedly and then continues on his way.  I love his smell in the nook of his neck where I would bury my nose when he was tiny & breathe him in, I love how he still wants me to sing the same bedtime song that we have always sung every single night, the way he looks up to and admires his dad, and so proud when I notice something & say "that's just like Dad". I love his wacky sense of humour and how he plays & plays for hours on end, his imagination is limitless.

And I love that he comes home tomorrow, I can't wait to hold him & hear all the stories about camp.  But who am I kidding!  The reality will most likely be that he's tired, grumpy, stinky & not wanting to talk about much at all! I remember being exactly the same after being away from home.  I'm sure after a good nights sleep in his own bed we'll hear every detail over breakfast...